Part 2 — Your First Crush

Okay, so. This story goes waaay back.
My first proper crush was two years ago, and I've never ever told them I liked them so it's still a secret :-)
I didn't tell anyone at the time and I only told a few about it now.
He never noticed me, and it killed me to know how far away I was from ever being able to call him mine. I remember when a friend of mine kissed him, it hurt so much that I cried for hours even though I hardly knew the guy. He was my reason for going where I did all summer and I was able to just watch how beautiful he was. He was my definition of perfect and anyone who dated him I was extremely jealous of, and I hated them.
I can't explain to you how much I really did love him back then. Even when I see him now, two years later, I somehow get all the feelings rushing through every single part of my body as I fall back in love with him. I don't know what it is that attracted me to him so much but now, whoever I see who looks the slightest bit like him I can feel myself falling back in love with him, or whoever it is.
I haven't spoken to him for maybe a year, or longer. I see him around every now and then or he's on my facebook news feed. I just can't help but think how amazing he was once to me and how I felt for him and sometimes I wish I had done more to make him notice me though at the time I did everything I possibly could.
That summer was amazing. After two years, strangely, I somehow still love him.

Okay so...

On Tumblr I've been doing a different sorta letter thing and I've decided I'm gonna do different one for Blogger starting day two. :-)

30 day challenge. day 01 - relationships and love. :-)

i’m single and i probably will be for a while :-)
i don’t mind being single, i actually like it. i don’t go around being a major slag every weekend either even though i like not having any relationship responsibilities and not hurting anyone by being like that. i wont believe in love until i actually have experienced it myself, which i haven’t and I probably wont until I’m mature enough to understand what love is. from what I see and what i’ve experienced, love and lust really hurt no matter how strong you are |’:

i really don’t think that in a relationship there needs to be sex. most people think they’re only really in love after doing it but so many people waste their virginity on someone who’s lied or cheated on them and I know for a fact I wouldn’t have sex with anyone until I’m really settled into a relationship or even married l: 

sometimes though i wish i was in a relationship just to feel loved and to love someone. i get easily jealous and envy cute couples, but c’est la vie. 

Can't ever explain to you how much I love this boy.

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows I'm miserable now.

i wish i was born in the 80s.

I wish I was born in the 80s when The Smiths were around.
Morrissey wrote meaningful lyrics and he's a complete genius. Today all music is made up of is swearing, sex, drugs and crime. Where's all the sanity at?

So, you think you can tell heaven from hell, blue skies from pain?

Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? So you think you can tell... 

Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? Did you exchange, a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year. Running over the same old grounds, what have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here. 

At least try...

I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how.
I've had you in my life for such a long time and I didn't think you'd ever mean this much to me. I love you, you're my best friend. We've been through so much together since the day we met, I just wish you could feel the same as I do. I know I can't have it but give it a thought? I want us to be friends again.